literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
