Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
high people should be assigned attendants
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
