You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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