you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
