I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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