I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
