Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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