Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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