I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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