i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
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I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
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I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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