when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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