jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
