Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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