piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
