Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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