matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
