I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
