Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
