You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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