so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
