Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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