I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
