I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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