the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
