I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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