we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
