From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
