Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
ok first of all what the fuck
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
