he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
