She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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