Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
