I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
