Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
