you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
