Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
