Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
birth control should be required to get into college
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
