i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
