guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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