just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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