I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
