I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
