ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
