my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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