i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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