Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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