you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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