It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
