she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
