three words: i give head
three words: not that well
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
