He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
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he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
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My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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