I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So apparently I’m into choking now
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