Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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