ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
