If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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