This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
