I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
"it" just moved
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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