Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
