Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
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Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
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My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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