He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Randomize
