I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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