Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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