Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
