Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
