Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
