I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
