And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
