I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
