You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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