my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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