Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
