Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
