just tell him i said nine months
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
