carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
