I'm eating all of the evidence.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
